i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
