I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
