My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
