So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
