She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
