And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
