i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the day after is always just damage control
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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