Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
