Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
