why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
