heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
