and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
