She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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