He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
