I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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