her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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