East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
