my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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