did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
