i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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