I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
