her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
