i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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