im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
