wat bout pragnant strippers??
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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