hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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