oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
