it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
