I feel like I'm in dance class right now
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
