I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
