His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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