what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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