I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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