and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
