My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
