she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
