after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
