We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
