Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
