Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
