Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I love having hate sex.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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