You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
wow bdsm is so cute
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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