OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
