So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
