Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
