so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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