I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
