I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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