I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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