Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
