Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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