im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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