If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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