I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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